Saturday, March 22, 2014


A word that brings comfort to so many people...
and yet I have not felt like I have had a home since high school.

Because of the journey I am on and the places I have lived, it is hard to feel like I belong anywhere. Eventually I hope to put down roots somewhere. I am thankful for my experiences in different places, but HOME is a tough word for me.

Since my parents divorced when I was an adult, it makes it even harder because my nuclear family unit is separated. While each of them have a house, I'm not sure I will ever truly feel at home in either place. (I have a great relationship with both my parents + stepparents... there's just something about feeling like you truly belong somewhere that I am in desperate need to experience as I try to create my own home somewhere).

As my own family unit of one now, I am on a search for a place to belong.
It could be DC.
It could be somewhere else.

As I am reading the #LentChallenge through the NT, I read John 10-14. The verse that stuck out was John 14.23: Jesus replied, "All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our HOME with each of them."

As my roommate can tell you, I tend to have a little bit of clutter. I have piles all over my apartment. Organized piles, but piles nonetheless. The same thing happens to my heart. Unnecessary stuff takes up space that doesn't need to be there... It reminded me of a song from high school:

My prayer for Lent is that God will take over and make things clean in my heart. I tend to deal with heart issues a lot more than visible sins.

HOME: A place of comfort where people can be real.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Small Groups

I'm a few weeks into my two small groups: Theology 101 and Storyline. Both make my head hurt for different reasons.

I joined Theology 101 in hopes that my Alpha group from the fall would stay together and have more great conversations. Since the fall, however, we have had two people move to different cities and most of the others joined different small groups.

I have continued going to Theology 101 because I find it intriguing. I have never been one to think through why I believe what I do. It is really great to see different sides and understand where people are coming from when you talk to them. I am not naturally into debates, but we are always asked to pick a side in the discussions. It has definitely been stretching me to think through some common beliefs I have had for years and why I choose to believe what I do.

Storyline is a small group based on Donald Miller's book. It is plotting our own life story timeline and seeing how we can use what we have been through to further the Kingdom of God. It makes me miss my home church in MI (Storyline Church) a lot. The people in the group are sharing their stories -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I shared mine last week. I still cry. It still hurts even after ten years since most of the hardest events in my life have happened. Our group leader, Joel, does life coaching on the side, so I am hoping to meet up with him at some point before our group is finished to talk through life.

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday. He said "You cannot imagine the amount of people who feel alone in this city. You are NOT ALONE." I share this to let you know that as well. It was comforting for me to hear those words. I am making small steps to try to find friends/community here, but lately I have felt lonely. It is worth the risk. Worth the effort. Worth the fight.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

It's OK to not be OK

I have a confession: I am not OK.

I am exhausted.
There are several reasons for this exhaustion, but I have hit a wall in my protege year.
I did not believe it when people on staff told me it would happen.

This also happens to be the season of Lent, a time in the Church calendar I am finally observing.
It is hard.

I am doing the #LentChallenge.
I am giving up something in my life that has become an idol.
I am filling that time with a 40 day NT reading plan.

God is truly challenging me in this time period. I think it is a time I will look back on as a preparation for good things. It is just hard for the moment.

Please keep me in prayer.
I need community.
I need God's Word.
I need encouragement.

Just keepin' it real.
Thanks for reading.
Next post will be about the two small groups I am in this semester (which will be happier than this post, but I am truly embracing this sadness/somber time and all that God has to teach me in it)!